we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
