Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
