its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize