She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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