Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize