I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So much rum. So many feels.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?