I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
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IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.