Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?