don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.