I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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