Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
