Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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