my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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