3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
