i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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