Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

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  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
  Replies (18) Good night (1107) Bad night (4001)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3587) Bad night (40189)
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  (607): View more from New York

  : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

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  (607): : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too? http://tfl.nu/kg01
  Replies (36) Good night (5158) Bad night (855)
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  (914): View more from New York

  No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?

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  (914): No mixer. Vodka in yogurt? http://tfl.nu/c5w2
  Replies (15) Good night (1253) Bad night (2474)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..

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  (630): There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow.. http://tfl.nu/vffr
  Replies (20) Good night (1490) Bad night (4314)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

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  (502): What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."?? http://tfl.nu/h07e
  Replies (25) Good night (1500) Bad night (2685)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

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  (412): Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life http://tfl.nu/5boh
  Replies (6) Good night (2914) Bad night (1488)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!

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  (845): Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE! http://tfl.nu/hm6x
  Replies (7) Good night (1200) Bad night (927)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still banned from the library?

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  (313): Are we still banned from the library? http://tfl.nu/xtiu
  Replies (12) Good night (2471) Bad night (755)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.

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  (586): We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard. http://tfl.nu/e4oz
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (493)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now

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  (423): So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now http://tfl.nu/44f0
  Replies (13) Good night (511) Bad night (1183)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
  Replies (6) Good night (1153) Bad night (556)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.

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  (248): They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror. http://tfl.nu/3vjx
  Replies (2) Good night (1188) Bad night (406)
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  (818): View more from California

  I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.

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  (818): I think my AA sponsor just booty called me. http://tfl.nu/z94l
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (413)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.

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  (937): Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment. http://tfl.nu/z1fq
  Replies (2) Good night (406) Bad night (302)

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