I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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