I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.