and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica