1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!