I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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