so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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