He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
