Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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