you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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