I puked a lego.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize