yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
