I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
