you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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