u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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