do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.