fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.