There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"