You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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