nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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