She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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