do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
