You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
