I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize