Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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