oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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