my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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