3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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