Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
