her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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