I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
