The maid of honor just puked.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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