i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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