Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
