I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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