you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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