There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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