Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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