I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
