i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
