Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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