fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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