my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
