She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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